Day 1

morning: Jog to Safeway, walk back approx. 20 minutes.

woogieboogie

yesterday i saw the girl from charmed, shannen doherty drivin to malibu!
charmed used to be my sister&my favorite show on tv. from they're action to their spells (i used to try and write down the spells to cast it out on people) but they never worked.
I've seen Alyssa Milano. Both were honestly as pretty in real life as on tv. Alyssa Milano even has that same extremely girly voice.

Shop pain)=
Recession is hittin the small folks)= tutorin used to make me some ez, spend money but after the whole recession momma's be cancellin&therefore causin' a hurtin in my wallet)= I was able to buy a pair of nikes for the sis and they are sooo cute! and got my nails&toes done. HAPPINESS, but broke my nail after a day...

oh and i was able to snag this cute little purple toe ring(= i love toe rings. i am too lazy to upload the nails, so will do after i get them fixed.

bowling
IS SOOOO FUN. i never realized how fun it was until recently. neon bowling is even better!

hehe

hehe(=

him

this face is the face i want to see everyday, every morning.

too much to do, too little time!

This day was filled with cooking, baking, screaming, and all the joys of life!
The Dare is such a cute phone I realized, especially the draw thing.
Which is how I get these cute artsy messages from the boyfriend(:

So morning was extremely hectic, especially having woken up at eight after sleeping a few hours. Made a quick breakfast for the mom&cousin. French toast and fresh mozz cheese&tomato omelette with orange juice. Too much of a hurry to take pictures unfortunately =/ Made French toast with the left over whole wheat french bread from the night i made capresse salad without the balsamic sauce w/jess. Worked out nicely since the bread was a bit stale, so all the egg, milk&vanilla was absorbed quickly and such.

Next made some simple pb&j toasts for sister&her friend. Used the same bread, the left over wheat!


I'm seriously falling in love with making, baking, cooking the little knick nack snacks(=



This recipe needs to be tweaked still a bit, so will go back into this next time.
Then made some scratch peanut butter chocolate chip cookies! They didn't come out as expected and picture was taken with phone(=





Then received some flowers from the boyfriend! (=
Thank you, the purple carnations and the other bouquet you sent are making the house a bit more lively. Along with the rosebushes that are growing, it seriously feels like spring!







Oh my gosh oh my gosh! I've been horrrrribly obsessed with finding new recipes for desserts and new crafts.
1. I am going to make my dang pops. People lucky enough to have some will be amazed for their amazing looks&taste, just know it.
2. I want one of them nice Nikon camera ish. But I'm always forgetting my digital camera which works perfectly, just never taking the pictures T___T Thinking about that later.
3. Come to mama you beautiful Kitchen Aid! I want this soooo badly it's ridiculous. I've been looking at it for years just passing by cos it gets pricey, but I'm dead set on getting this THIS year! I swear! It's beautiful.
4. I need a new summer job in LA, not excited for job hunting. I want that kitchen aid and i have to pay $333 for tickets on my car T___T
5. photoshoot yay

patience young rabbity, patience

i don't have patience.
i get restless and end up saying no me gusta!
yes yes tis i.

so this is what my life is like on a daily run

i wake up at 3am, say good morning to the boyfriend(=


then wake up @12pm then say hello to the retard&get ready for work







i go work. and here are the two beauties i see. the little pig nose piglet grace and rat faced rachelle along with two psychotic cutie boys named issac and kamron.
they think its funny to make me mad. grace can't write her y's after writing three pages with me and furthermore she can't trace the letters.
then i get bombarded with even more cute kids.... not.
then i go tutor!



i deal with the student i'm tutoring, and every family member. she's one, she likes to screech and scream when she can't get what i want.


i understand why women decide to get their tubes tied.

phoenix

maybe life isn't as ugly or beautiful as we perceive or glorify it to be
neither are the individuals inhabiting it.

the closer i am to realizing who i am
i realize i put of the image i portray myself to be
it might be me
but then again it might not.

people think and believe
what they want
sometimes they let their mind play games

either way
doesn't stop my endless soul searching

que haces ahora?

suddenly i have nothing to write.
yet at the same time there is so much.
currently i'm reading three-four books all at random moments.
but East of Eden by John Steinbeck's caught my devilish interest.
Marrying Up is pretty good as well, i probably got to the first chapter, lol.
And yes I do judge my books by their cover many times.
Or by what he said she said.

Anyway.
I'm super excited cause I've finally heard from my future(:
I'm still stick in between a rock and a hard place, but all will work out well I'm sure.
Leaning more towards going to Colorado though.
Free ride! And living alone(:

I have a ridiculous fear of the dark I realized.
Especially about getting butt-raped.
I'm completely serious, it's the biggest fear for some time now.
It's weird, but at the same time completely reasonable.
I mean if u get robbed, killed, stabbed, shot it goes away after time.
BUT if u get butt-raped.
What the hell...?!
Vividly disturbingly disgusting yes.

I'm fixated on doing my nails.
Currently they're red tipped.
A day ago they were glittery pink.
The day before they were bubblegum.
Before that They were yellow with yellow middle fingers.
Yes.
They're pretty damn sexy.

My vocabulary sucks.
I need to take more pictures.
Excite my life with some new education, adventure, something.

KK back to cleaning my room now!

all rightey mr. rabbityyy.

ok so i made a list but i realized i can't do most of the things there, because it doesn't fit not on my time but giajgbklsjfbvlasjgb! i love blogging, but don't know how to use it and i deff should get into this more cos it's like my private journal(: but not?? idk.

trip to chicago- it was just amazing. the flight was pretty rocky&scary, but i made it there safe&sound. it was cold, like worse than big bear during the winter cold. the ceremony itself was breath taking, watching 500+ sailors walk in with so much dignity, pride, &so forth. i didn't have glasses and a camera so no pictures ): except with my favorite sailor thanks to his babybro<3

congratulations dearest! u studbeast.

rock my boat, but don't sink that muthaaaaaaaaaaaaf.
i've been one grumpy person lately, and just really frustrated with everything.
BUT i know things are looking up.
when u hit rock bottom, there's no where else to go but up.

thizzz week.
i'm excited! i have some underground hip hop thannng to go to (thanks to hs!<3) i'm so in love with vintage pin up i realized. they're just so fabulous&sexy. this week is just ridiculously crazy, yet so welcoming. come on psychotic busy-ness!


sleep weep that deep.
i want to sleep, but my mind won't shut its damn imagination off. it's nice, but if u can't do ish with it it's WORTHLESS. i need to bust out my artsy fartsy side and let it flow.

manage me.
and my timeee ),: when i think about all the time i've wasted it just makes me want to kick myself and someone's soul.

ghhhhygggggggggggggggggggmjust typed that with my chin&cheek.

to do 25days.

FAIL not enough time.. ugh.

what in the chocolate tornados?!

ok so it's 437 in the am way. came back from la less than 2 hours ago. hope u berkeley&irvine&fullerton&la kids enjoyed, because it sucked being DD! >:O


Your Firsts

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Paul&also a picture date. senior year was a pretty scandalous year.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
fortunately, yes:)

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
40, smirnoff, 151. not sure but i remember i almost yaked.

4. What was your FIRST job?
at a cookie place. i got FIRED ): for having a complicated schedule. somethings never change.

5. What was your FIRST car?
my kia<3 don't hate asswipes.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
bae

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
paul. paul. paul. paul.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
don't know. i don't remember 1st grade.

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
uhmmm korea? yes probably.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
jenny, at times not as frequently.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
holllllyyy mollyyy uhm ohhh this girl in oregon named laura(:

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Bae, "lowell is closed. off pennsylvannia? what?"

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
my cousin, flower girllllll. fruity.

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
"OH SHIT, wait wtf, fuck it its only 10"

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
some musical

16. What was the FIRST record/tape/CD you bought?
Britney Spears!

17. FIRST hospitalization?
crack in the head from korea

18. FIRST foreign country you've been to?
Korea

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
i don't remember

20. When was your FIRST detention?
middle school

21. What did you do with your FIRST paycheck?
spent all of it in less than an hour, eating. ugh, i still do this with my paycheck which is why my fccn bank statements say -cash.

i don't know why i did this. i get random spurts of ridiculous boredom that i guess i just do everything randomly and like wtf. today is just a weird day. i don't know if i'm being handed lemons or what, but i ain't making no lemonade. the lemon juice is just like squirting into my eyes or something. my brain is on the fritz. i didn't even drink , but yet i feel fucking queasy. i need another job and a better internship. i hate working. i want to go to school. i can't remember people's names well and today i got caught when i called some guy "david" when his name was something else. i still don't know or remember his name. i meet people, but i can almost never remember their name unless there's something fucked up about them. like a weird nasty mole growing outta their neck that looks like it's going to transport its babies to me. i don't know. it's weird, but i have the worst time remembering names. and another guy thought i was someone else, i didn't like it. i never met him before. driving is a beeeeyotch. i don't like driving too much. i like other people driving me. i like being baby-d. i miss my boyfriend like no tomorrow): good morning&night*

evolution

when is meanness now part of evolution?
it seems like as i've been through more days, more years, people just get plain mean.
there are those occasional true down to truth sweet hearts, but it seems rare.
or maybe i just meet mean people.
either way, being mean is no fun.
and definitely not nice.

i miss my bursts of energy.
i guess i'm getting old and mundane.
so ugly.

fairytales

i think people live in a state of denial, most reject the truth.
why? the common answer is, because the truth hurts.

an action that bothers me the most is when there is a child involved in some fiasco.
in latest news, i would be referring to the crazy octuplets' and also her previous 6children.

it's simply not okay to have 14 kids and not have a stable income, go on tv shows promising to provide all the love&care, claim that her past didn't include much love, and furthermore ask internet donations to take care of the child.
She receives almost $500 in foodstamps.
If you can't take responsibility of your actions, then don't cause uneccessary nonsense.
I don't know what makes people think it's okay to treat children like commodities and birth of a child be so senseless.
I can't understand what the doctor who had even operated on her artificial pregnancy such to even think this was okay.
It upsets me to how some people are so selfish to just think in their interests and not the child's or in this case childrens.

As I am so in love with Law and Order, CSI, House, and so forth it just upsets me how some people are just plain selfish and stupid.

Deadlines

I really need to prioritize&manage my life better.
I miss deadlines, rush, &just live in terror of not finishing whatever I need to.
Ughhhhhh.

Excuse my language, but. FUCK what u heard or thought.

Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind, so don't assign me yours.

2009

has been treating me well.  It's been sincere, generous, furthermore has given me hope.

As this New Year has started and a new chapter opened in my life.  I'm not only excited but really anticipating every new step.  Maybe not every one, but I'm truly blessed for everything that's happened the past year and the chance to make more memories and experiences this year.

Somethings been keeping me up lately, and yes it is anxiety, stress, worries, etc.  I haven't been doing my usual devotionals and I know its having a toll on me.  Yet I still refuse to do them.  Devotionals have always been hard and they continue to be so hard): I'm not excited about this fact and need some desperate rearranging of the mind.

February 2nd.  The dreaded and lovely day.  This is the day that my better half, Paul, leaves for the Navy.  It's a bittersweet moment considering I am happy and mad at this moment in time.  It brings him all the training and necessary things for his future, which I am more than happy to support and love.  BUT it also means we would be apart and I would not be able to enjoy his oh so fabulous companionship.  Yes, it is selfish and very childish, but I admit I am so damn attached to him and what he stands for in my life.  Today as we spoke of his remaining days I wanted to just knock him out, take him to my house, and lock him up.  But reality and also common sense sets in and once again you just have to accept and embrace CHANGE.  I used to think change was such a fabulous thing, but after my rough year '08 I am really enjoying everything in the present.  Gah.  I am so not looking forward to saying my good lucks and such to him):

bye bye bullshit.

i'm feeling o-raht.

i guess i need to do some readjusting, reorganizing, re-prioritizing.

i've lost sight of my goals&dreams, but fuck it i'm 19 and i'll find sobriety and all that goodness soon enough.

ugh why does everything sound so overdramatic and ugly in life today.

it's not the rain, because i adore the gloom-doom looking days.  it's nice.  change from the sunny cali.

fatass status.

i need to get workin on ma body.

my diet sucks, as in what i normally eat is really horrid.

this is another to do list, along with the prioritizing.

friends.

are so vital and important in life i realized.  a best friend, homegirl can mean so much and everything can turn around in a split second.  sad, yet it's the truth.

when you find someone, make sure to keep them tighter than that stuffed doll u used to keep during those scary adolescent life.

or you can just fuck that doll and get yaself a new one, ha.

fucking FUCK FUCK FUCK.

fuck is such a beautiful word.  but it's a whore, everyone uses it and it gets meaningless.

drinks are not on me, for once.

pass the bacardi over to the person to my left&right just not me.

ok my eyes and mind are failing me.

aga jaba gada gone.

priorities&life

ok so it's 2eleven in the morning and i just finished cleaning up taco bell's bombass fully loaded nachos off my floor, the book i was reading, which the title i don't even remember, and something else.  oh wait i forgot to text someone.  done.  okay so a few things i've been realizing these days..

i'm shallow.  very shallow.  like today, i went to a kick back with a hs friend of mine and boy was it lame.  i had decided on going straight edge cutting out all the unnecessary shit i put in my life such as alcohol&so forth.  back to the point- kickbacks are fucking lame.  i don't know what i was thinking to think it was all so fun.  i mean it had pretty much the same people involved, but not quite.  i don't know it was just lame, no offense to dirty sanchez of course.

ok so me being shallow.  i am very shallow, and i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  i mean why should i talk to some kid who doesn't go to school, have a job, or car?  he/she should have enough sense and respect and feel responsible enough to do that for themselves.  i ain't rolling with no scrub.

i am really gross i realized.  when my boyfriend isn't around i look and feel like some crackwhore.  for example, once again, today.  right now i still have my make up on from earlier which includes some vsecret turquoise glitter eyeshadow, blush, eyeliner, etc.  and yet i haven't washed it off.  it's just on there like some used up drugged up crackwhore.  oh and i haven't showered for two days, which isn't bad considering my ass was in bed literally for 23 hours cos i've been sick off my ass.  two days isn't bad, i've been trying to go on this not washing my hair trend, but it hasn't been working.  two days is pushing it like seriously, girls who do do it for more than three days i say- you're a fucking sick ass.  wash your hair.  it's dead protein yo.

being sick sucks.  i'm not trying to be a whiny biyatch, but i seriously fucking thought i was going to die yesterday.  i didn't even get to go to work and being a money hungry selfish person i RARELY miss work.  i freaking had a ridiculous fever and it was just horrible.  now i'm up at two nineteen with a horrrrrible headache.

i like being straight edge.  i mean sure sometimes i'll want a sip of this or that, but really i don't.  bad habits die hard indeed.  fuck what anyone has to say, my body's going greeeeeen.

obsessive much- i get easily obsessed with little unnecessary things in life and waste all my time on obsessing over whatever it is i am obsessed over.  like, right now i've been thinking about my boyfriend.  i say it's unnecessary, because i'll see him in about seven hours yet i'm just about to wake him up and ask him to meet me now.  he's like this neverending drug of i don't know cos sometimes he makes me angry, but yet i'm so deeply into him.  i thinks its because we balance each other well.  like yin and yang.  i'm the psychotic frantic who freaks out and bitches about everything whereas he's more of the laid back homeboy who just makes you relaxe.  i can't spell but what evaaaa.

christmas is coming.  blast that christmas holiday tunez&spiritz yo!  i love it and it makes me sad.  sad knowing it'll be the last christmas i spend with my pumpkin): my nose is runny.  i need to seriously wash up.  all the make up and crap on my face is bugging.  especially the mascara.  why do i even put this crap on?  i decided i'm going on a make up strike.   i think paul's extremely cute.

i'm going to clean my room i decided.  i realized i'm a very unappetizing girl.  my room's always a mess, i'm impatient, potty mouthed, and today i drank a taco bell drink from three or four days ago cos it was just sitting there.  not too clean.  haha i just thought "new years resolution" my ass.  ok time for some tv rama & cleaning.

work hard.  play harder.  pray hardest.

love&dissappointment.

OH MY (*$%&*)$(% GOD.

okay so i waited three days, THREE DAYS, for Left for Dead to download on my cousin's laptop (it doesn't work for Macs so I had to borrow my cousin's) and it lags like hardcore.  I sat in front of my computer three hours STRAIGHT last night as soon as I got home and waited for the damn thing to download.  Never in my life have I been so disappointed and saddened.  Darn there's no emoticons to add.

<<Backtrack.<<

Yesterday I drove two hours to play L4D at the boyfriends house and he wouldn't even let me play (why?  Cause his friends were on a mission to finish the game).  So then after we got to his work, I kicked off his friends playing at the cafe next door and got to play for like an hour and a half.  It's the most amazing game EVER!  It's like my two favorite lovers combined into one.  Gun game + 28 Days later (Zombies) = Love of my life<3<3<3<3.

Now.

I am at a library typing and just chilling and this crazy lady comes to me from the other side of this desk-bunk thing and tells me to stop clicking and typing so loudly.  My reaction- I got freaking scared, she like popped out of nowhere so my face looked like the white baby pictured below.

I don't know how to resize these pictures and i'm too lazy.

I should have given her a big FUCK YOU but that's rude and rude people suck.

God this picture is huge..

I love white babies.

Here.

Work.  Is.  Suck.  Ass.  Actually i'm not working so i guess it's not "Here."  I haven't worked all this week and tomorrow I'm scheduled for like five and a half hours and I really don't want to go to work.  I'm very thankful for having a job, but come onnnnnnnnnnnn I just want to read and sleep all day.  and eat.  i'm starving.

THANKSGIVINGGGGGGGGG

Turkey time.  Turkey is amazing.  I am going to go home and eat some of the left over Popeyes Chicken I bought a day or two ago and pretend it's turkey since I don't have any turkey at home.

Okay I should stop my jibble jabble now.  Lgkjwoigja peeeeeAce