Monday, December 15, 2008

bye bye bullshit.

i'm feeling o-raht.
i guess i need to do some readjusting, reorganizing, re-prioritizing.
i've lost sight of my goals&dreams, but fuck it i'm 19 and i'll find sobriety and all that goodness soon enough.
ugh why does everything sound so overdramatic and ugly in life today.
it's not the rain, because i adore the gloom-doom looking days.  it's nice.  change from the sunny cali.

fatass status.
i need to get workin on ma body.
my diet sucks, as in what i normally eat is really horrid.
this is another to do list, along with the prioritizing.

friends.
are so vital and important in life i realized.  a best friend, homegirl can mean so much and everything can turn around in a split second.  sad, yet it's the truth.
when you find someone, make sure to keep them tighter than that stuffed doll u used to keep during those scary adolescent life.
or you can just fuck that doll and get yaself a new one, ha.

fucking FUCK FUCK FUCK.
fuck is such a beautiful word.  but it's a whore, everyone uses it and it gets meaningless.

drinks are not on me, for once.
pass the bacardi over to the person to my left&right just not me.
ok my eyes and mind are failing me.

aga jaba gada gone.

Friday, December 5, 2008

priorities&life

ok so it's 2eleven in the morning and i just finished cleaning up taco bell's bombass fully loaded nachos off my floor, the book i was reading, which the title i don't even remember, and something else.  oh wait i forgot to text someone.  done.  okay so a few things i've been realizing these days..

i'm shallow.  very shallow.  like today, i went to a kick back with a hs friend of mine and boy was it lame.  i had decided on going straight edge cutting out all the unnecessary shit i put in my life such as alcohol&so forth.  back to the point- kickbacks are fucking lame.  i don't know what i was thinking to think it was all so fun.  i mean it had pretty much the same people involved, but not quite.  i don't know it was just lame, no offense to dirty sanchez of course.
ok so me being shallow.  i am very shallow, and i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  i mean why should i talk to some kid who doesn't go to school, have a job, or car?  he/she should have enough sense and respect and feel responsible enough to do that for themselves.  i ain't rolling with no scrub.

i am really gross i realized.  when my boyfriend isn't around i look and feel like some crackwhore.  for example, once again, today.  right now i still have my make up on from earlier which includes some vsecret turquoise glitter eyeshadow, blush, eyeliner, etc.  and yet i haven't washed it off.  it's just on there like some used up drugged up crackwhore.  oh and i haven't showered for two days, which isn't bad considering my ass was in bed literally for 23 hours cos i've been sick off my ass.  two days isn't bad, i've been trying to go on this not washing my hair trend, but it hasn't been working.  two days is pushing it like seriously, girls who do do it for more than three days i say- you're a fucking sick ass.  wash your hair.  it's dead protein yo.

being sick sucks.  i'm not trying to be a whiny biyatch, but i seriously fucking thought i was going to die yesterday.  i didn't even get to go to work and being a money hungry selfish person i RARELY miss work.  i freaking had a ridiculous fever and it was just horrible.  now i'm up at two nineteen with a horrrrrible headache.

i like being straight edge.  i mean sure sometimes i'll want a sip of this or that, but really i don't.  bad habits die hard indeed.  fuck what anyone has to say, my body's going greeeeeen.

obsessive much- i get easily obsessed with little unnecessary things in life and waste all my time on obsessing over whatever it is i am obsessed over.  like, right now i've been thinking about my boyfriend.  i say it's unnecessary, because i'll see him in about seven hours yet i'm just about to wake him up and ask him to meet me now.  he's like this neverending drug of i don't know cos sometimes he makes me angry, but yet i'm so deeply into him.  i thinks its because we balance each other well.  like yin and yang.  i'm the psychotic frantic who freaks out and bitches about everything whereas he's more of the laid back homeboy who just makes you relaxe.  i can't spell but what evaaaa.

christmas is coming.  blast that christmas holiday tunez&spiritz yo!  i love it and it makes me sad.  sad knowing it'll be the last christmas i spend with my pumpkin): my nose is runny.  i need to seriously wash up.  all the make up and crap on my face is bugging.  especially the mascara.  why do i even put this crap on?  i decided i'm going on a make up strike.   i think paul's extremely cute.

i'm going to clean my room i decided.  i realized i'm a very unappetizing girl.  my room's always a mess, i'm impatient, potty mouthed, and today i drank a taco bell drink from three or four days ago cos it was just sitting there.  not too clean.  haha i just thought "new years resolution" my ass.  ok time for some tv rama & cleaning.