2009

has been treating me well.  It's been sincere, generous, furthermore has given me hope.

As this New Year has started and a new chapter opened in my life.  I'm not only excited but really anticipating every new step.  Maybe not every one, but I'm truly blessed for everything that's happened the past year and the chance to make more memories and experiences this year.

Somethings been keeping me up lately, and yes it is anxiety, stress, worries, etc.  I haven't been doing my usual devotionals and I know its having a toll on me.  Yet I still refuse to do them.  Devotionals have always been hard and they continue to be so hard): I'm not excited about this fact and need some desperate rearranging of the mind.

February 2nd.  The dreaded and lovely day.  This is the day that my better half, Paul, leaves for the Navy.  It's a bittersweet moment considering I am happy and mad at this moment in time.  It brings him all the training and necessary things for his future, which I am more than happy to support and love.  BUT it also means we would be apart and I would not be able to enjoy his oh so fabulous companionship.  Yes, it is selfish and very childish, but I admit I am so damn attached to him and what he stands for in my life.  Today as we spoke of his remaining days I wanted to just knock him out, take him to my house, and lock him up.  But reality and also common sense sets in and once again you just have to accept and embrace CHANGE.  I used to think change was such a fabulous thing, but after my rough year '08 I am really enjoying everything in the present.  Gah.  I am so not looking forward to saying my good lucks and such to him):

bye bye bullshit.

i'm feeling o-raht.

i guess i need to do some readjusting, reorganizing, re-prioritizing.

i've lost sight of my goals&dreams, but fuck it i'm 19 and i'll find sobriety and all that goodness soon enough.

ugh why does everything sound so overdramatic and ugly in life today.

it's not the rain, because i adore the gloom-doom looking days.  it's nice.  change from the sunny cali.

fatass status.

i need to get workin on ma body.

my diet sucks, as in what i normally eat is really horrid.

this is another to do list, along with the prioritizing.

friends.

are so vital and important in life i realized.  a best friend, homegirl can mean so much and everything can turn around in a split second.  sad, yet it's the truth.

when you find someone, make sure to keep them tighter than that stuffed doll u used to keep during those scary adolescent life.

or you can just fuck that doll and get yaself a new one, ha.

fucking FUCK FUCK FUCK.

fuck is such a beautiful word.  but it's a whore, everyone uses it and it gets meaningless.

drinks are not on me, for once.

pass the bacardi over to the person to my left&right just not me.

ok my eyes and mind are failing me.

aga jaba gada gone.

priorities&life

ok so it's 2eleven in the morning and i just finished cleaning up taco bell's bombass fully loaded nachos off my floor, the book i was reading, which the title i don't even remember, and something else.  oh wait i forgot to text someone.  done.  okay so a few things i've been realizing these days..

i'm shallow.  very shallow.  like today, i went to a kick back with a hs friend of mine and boy was it lame.  i had decided on going straight edge cutting out all the unnecessary shit i put in my life such as alcohol&so forth.  back to the point- kickbacks are fucking lame.  i don't know what i was thinking to think it was all so fun.  i mean it had pretty much the same people involved, but not quite.  i don't know it was just lame, no offense to dirty sanchez of course.

ok so me being shallow.  i am very shallow, and i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  i mean why should i talk to some kid who doesn't go to school, have a job, or car?  he/she should have enough sense and respect and feel responsible enough to do that for themselves.  i ain't rolling with no scrub.

i am really gross i realized.  when my boyfriend isn't around i look and feel like some crackwhore.  for example, once again, today.  right now i still have my make up on from earlier which includes some vsecret turquoise glitter eyeshadow, blush, eyeliner, etc.  and yet i haven't washed it off.  it's just on there like some used up drugged up crackwhore.  oh and i haven't showered for two days, which isn't bad considering my ass was in bed literally for 23 hours cos i've been sick off my ass.  two days isn't bad, i've been trying to go on this not washing my hair trend, but it hasn't been working.  two days is pushing it like seriously, girls who do do it for more than three days i say- you're a fucking sick ass.  wash your hair.  it's dead protein yo.

being sick sucks.  i'm not trying to be a whiny biyatch, but i seriously fucking thought i was going to die yesterday.  i didn't even get to go to work and being a money hungry selfish person i RARELY miss work.  i freaking had a ridiculous fever and it was just horrible.  now i'm up at two nineteen with a horrrrrible headache.

i like being straight edge.  i mean sure sometimes i'll want a sip of this or that, but really i don't.  bad habits die hard indeed.  fuck what anyone has to say, my body's going greeeeeen.

obsessive much- i get easily obsessed with little unnecessary things in life and waste all my time on obsessing over whatever it is i am obsessed over.  like, right now i've been thinking about my boyfriend.  i say it's unnecessary, because i'll see him in about seven hours yet i'm just about to wake him up and ask him to meet me now.  he's like this neverending drug of i don't know cos sometimes he makes me angry, but yet i'm so deeply into him.  i thinks its because we balance each other well.  like yin and yang.  i'm the psychotic frantic who freaks out and bitches about everything whereas he's more of the laid back homeboy who just makes you relaxe.  i can't spell but what evaaaa.

christmas is coming.  blast that christmas holiday tunez&spiritz yo!  i love it and it makes me sad.  sad knowing it'll be the last christmas i spend with my pumpkin): my nose is runny.  i need to seriously wash up.  all the make up and crap on my face is bugging.  especially the mascara.  why do i even put this crap on?  i decided i'm going on a make up strike.   i think paul's extremely cute.

i'm going to clean my room i decided.  i realized i'm a very unappetizing girl.  my room's always a mess, i'm impatient, potty mouthed, and today i drank a taco bell drink from three or four days ago cos it was just sitting there.  not too clean.  haha i just thought "new years resolution" my ass.  ok time for some tv rama & cleaning.

work hard.  play harder.  pray hardest.

love&dissappointment.

OH MY (*$%&*)$(% GOD.

okay so i waited three days, THREE DAYS, for Left for Dead to download on my cousin's laptop (it doesn't work for Macs so I had to borrow my cousin's) and it lags like hardcore.  I sat in front of my computer three hours STRAIGHT last night as soon as I got home and waited for the damn thing to download.  Never in my life have I been so disappointed and saddened.  Darn there's no emoticons to add.

<<Backtrack.<<

Yesterday I drove two hours to play L4D at the boyfriends house and he wouldn't even let me play (why?  Cause his friends were on a mission to finish the game).  So then after we got to his work, I kicked off his friends playing at the cafe next door and got to play for like an hour and a half.  It's the most amazing game EVER!  It's like my two favorite lovers combined into one.  Gun game + 28 Days later (Zombies) = Love of my life<3<3<3<3.

Now.

I am at a library typing and just chilling and this crazy lady comes to me from the other side of this desk-bunk thing and tells me to stop clicking and typing so loudly.  My reaction- I got freaking scared, she like popped out of nowhere so my face looked like the white baby pictured below.

I don't know how to resize these pictures and i'm too lazy.

I should have given her a big FUCK YOU but that's rude and rude people suck.

God this picture is huge..

I love white babies.

Here.

Work.  Is.  Suck.  Ass.  Actually i'm not working so i guess it's not "Here."  I haven't worked all this week and tomorrow I'm scheduled for like five and a half hours and I really don't want to go to work.  I'm very thankful for having a job, but come onnnnnnnnnnnn I just want to read and sleep all day.  and eat.  i'm starving.

THANKSGIVINGGGGGGGGG

Turkey time.  Turkey is amazing.  I am going to go home and eat some of the left over Popeyes Chicken I bought a day or two ago and pretend it's turkey since I don't have any turkey at home.

Okay I should stop my jibble jabble now.  Lgkjwoigja peeeeeAce

oh what the?!

It's 12:04am and what am i doing?  i am watching an alien movie.

i have no idea what the title is, but i know the Rock from WWF (now WWE) is in it.

a guy just got his face ripped off, that's what's up.

people. learn. some. fucking. manners.

i think it's just ridiculous when

 people have no manners.

what did your mama/papa/guardian teach you in life?

it's not hard to say "thank you" or "excuse me." but it is easy to make a bad situation.  it bothers me when people are rude, especially when customers are being ridiculous to any type workers.  learn some fucking patience&manners then practice them.

oh my gah.  L4D!!!!

Left for Dead seems like the sickest zombie game ever.

If you didn't know, I absolutely love anything that has to do with zombies.

My recommendation if you haven't seen it already, watch 28 days.

I'll even let you borrow it, actually no I won't, cos i'm selfish and don't trust people with ma shiet.  actually i might, just ask.

side note: i get to play L4D today in about 14 hours.  It came out 3 days ago, look up the game on youtube if you want to see how crazy that game is.  I will definitely be having to talk about it more on my next blog.

"procrastination is like masturbation"

i heard this saying and i guess i can somewhat relate?  it doesn't sound right.

basically procrastination is just horrid.  puts everyone in a horrible mood and rush.

This was under "graffiti art."  I want to have the ability to create such artwork, I can recreate it (after hours of frustration), but it wouldn't be original.  I appreciate the folks who take time and care to create beauties like this.  I do not appreciate folks just trying to leave some crap without any thought.  Creativity is a beautiful thing, embrace it y'all.

"you are about to meet someone that loves you in a way you deserve to be loved."

This is every girl's, anyone's dream to find and really fall for a someone who treats them how they deserve to be treated.  Why does this have to seem like a far away fantasy?  I mean it's a basic thing that everyone deserves and wants to be treated with this simple fact- respect.  I believe if you respect someone enough, there shouldn't be any discrepancies on what should and should not be done.

how does one get to be a tv show host who eats and talks about restaurants on tv?!  i would love that job.

carpe diem.

i need to get my act together.

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relationships&&breakups.

i don't know my exact stance on relationships.

if my sister/girlfriends were to ask me whether it was a pro or con i would be stuck.

considering the fact that i am in a relationship, i do the pros& also the cons.

i feel like the biggest fact is that no one leaves any relationship without baggage.

memories are memories.  yes they will fade, but how long does that take?

i highly doubt those memories, any memories really go away fast enough.

looking back at any relationship of mine or friends, they stay with you longer than any wishes.

attention deficit disorder

i believe Americans, most are effected with this disorder.